Today is a good day.

The weather is finally Fall-ish, worthy of calling it Fall at least. My favourite season.
I have reconciled myself to what is to come with the toxicity I posted about previously. I am trying to be "less of me, more of God" and so far, it has brought me some of the peace I was hoping for. That is wonderful.
My hair is long and beautiful. The cooler weather is allowing me to fully appreciate it, without getting angry at how hot it makes me head. It is a lovely shade of honey brown. It flips in cute places and stays flat in others. It is soft and light and bouncy.
A blessing, a bright light, has popped up in terms of my job with the City. After so many prayers for peace of mind where our family finances and the impending arrival of this baby are concerned, I believe this is the answer we have been seeking. God has planted this seed in front of me/us, and now I/we have to make it grow. I am so thankful for it, so hopeful for it's possibilities, and praying now for wisdom, guidance, and favor as we progress. God is GOOD!
The baby in my tummy is happy and healthy. She is moving and bouncing and kicking all the time. She gets the hiccups a few times a week and loves to hear her daddy talk or sing or anything really. She likes to stick her feet out and let me rub them. She kicks the puppies when they rest their faces on my belly. We have our first baby class ("Baby Boot Camp") this Saturday and I am kind of nervous. I know it sounds silly, but the classes starting means we are really, really close to meeting our little girl and moving into the next phase of our lives: parenting.

Today is a good, no, a REALLY good day.

Family Moment Monday

(Since I am a slacker of epic proporations, this is only my second participation in FMM but I'm working on being more consistent, I swear!)

Today we are going to talk about something that involves my whole little family, from Shark Fin to Xeusy to Lunabell, and even my mom when she was here visiting this past week.

It's STROLLER PRACTICE.

Yes folks, Shark Fin and I decided that the best way to prep our fur-covered babies for the arrival of Baby R is to set up as much as possible, as early as possible, and to interject things about her into our regular routine. And so began Stroller Practice.

We received a stroller/travel system thing from one of Jeff's co-workers at the squadron. Judging by the color scheme (it's silvery-grey and black) I think it is the SQUADRON'S stroller, but whatever, it was free and until we require the double stroller, we have free use of it. ANYWAYS, every evening that the two of us are home together, we try to take the dynamic doggy duo out for a long walk prior to dinner time. It's a good time for all of us to bond in the great outdoors, plus we have an open field over by us that they can go off-leash in and chase eachother at warp speed. Unless I feel like complete crap, it's been pretty consistent, too.
Recently, we decided to intergrate pushing the baby stroller into the evening stroll. The first couple times, we left the stroller empty. They adjusted to it rolling along beside them pretty well, (well, after getting nudged by a wayward wheel or two).
But this weekend, we added another element to the walk.
We have been training them on us carrying the "baby" around using this stuffed monkey doll for a few months now. This weekend, I dressed the monkey in one of Baby R's outfits and a hat and put the monkey in the stroller, too.

It was EXCITING.

Now, after three or so walks with the monkey, the excitement has kind of died down, but the residual idea of getting them adjusted to a highly desireable being in the stroller still holds firm. Even over in the field, the puppies will run and run and run...... htne come over to me and the stroller, give the monkey a kiss and then take off again.

And really, that's the way it should be. :)

Angelina, how I love thee!

Shark Fin and I went to see "Wanted" last night, for our semi-regular midweek date night.

We usually choose to go to the movies during the week or early during the day on the weekends because tickets are only $5 per person instead of $10, and the movies are usually less crowded (well, unless you're going to see Wall-E). The customer service at the local AMC Theatre is generally better, too, depending (again) on what movie you're going to see and how many small people you have in tow. I know, I know, we could just go to another theatre (there are Regal Cinemas and Cinema Cafes here, too), but I am really partial to the AMC. Their theatres and restrooms are clean, the lobby and concession stand are well-stocked, and the seats are all those ones that convert to loveseats if you're feeling snuggly. The only issue I have is that they seem to really book their popular or first-weekend shows to capacity, and they give you no notification when you buy tickets that you may have to bribe the people already in the theatre to scooch over so you can find somewhere to sit. But, that's a gripe for another time....

This post is about Angelina.

It may surprise some people that do not know me very well, but I have an extreme affection for all things Angelina Jolie. From her black-leather wearing, Billy-Bob-Thorton's blood carrying days to her humanitarian efforts and mother of the world attitude, she fascinates me and captivates me and I just think she is amazing. I love how she can seemlessly blend her tattoos and her creativity and her openmindedness with her love for her children (and the world's children), her compassion for those around her and her overall air of selflessness. Aside from her lack of belief in God, she is the type of person I strive to be. In the movie, she was completely bad-ass. Okay, I'm not so bad-ass. As a matter of fact, I can kind of be a wimp when it comes to anything I may become injured doing. She (obviously) does not have this fear. It is something I would like to overcome. There is one scene in the film where she is driving away from a car chase and the Dodge Viper she's driving is all torn up from the chase. She pulls up next to these two college age guys, who turn to look at the car (imagining some big guy driving it) and find Angelina in her sunglasses and tattoos. I want to experience that, only I want to give to have the sunglasses and the tattoos and the sweet car, and then after they look at me like, "wow, she's soooo hot!" have my little girl from the backseat chime in with, "mommy, put gwen stefani on."
Priceless.

So, revised goasl for the complete Angelina Jolie experience:

1. Continue to grow long hair. Keep it pretty brown color. Be nice to it.
2. Get more tattoos.
3. Find a workout routine that I love and can stick with, to get some muscle tone, but still stay thin.
4. Help babies to become awesome people.
5. Find a charity or volunteer opportunity I love and promote it in my daily life.

I think that's enough for now.

Large

Today, I finally feel the size of a house.
I know, I know, I'm pregnant. I'm supposed to get larger than normal.


But today...... today, I feel larger than everything. My pants (the ones I bought after I gained some baby weight) are tight. My maternity-esque shirts are even riding up a bit. It was hard to walk the puppies back up the stairs after our walk today. I had to park farther away from the gas pump than normal just to make sure I could get out of the Jeep. I could go on(and on!), but the point is, I finally FEEL 26 WEEKS PREGNANT.

Reminds me that I still have a lot to do to get ready for Baby R. I need to pace myself better, set goals I can hit, and enlist the assistance of the people that are getting ready to visit. AND I need to set time aside for fun stuff for ME because me-time is going to become scarce here in a few months.

I feel adult right now.

Scary.

SERIOUS! LIFE!

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. - Oscar Wilde

Let's discuss this quote, shall we.

As I sit here at my desk on a Tuesday morning, I am overwhelmed with the frailty of my life and the life that I am carrying. Not because anything bad has happened recently, moreso because I have realized over the last few weeks that I am not the same person, physically, mentally or emotionally that I was before I became pregnant and, more importantly, that I will probably never go back to the way I was. This pregnancy, and the process of being pregnant, has forever altered the way I "do" life, the way Shark Fin "does" life, and probably, the way our families "do" life. Really, aside from when we adopted the puppies, neither one of us have ever had someone depend so solely on us for every little thing they need. This baby will be doing just that, more than the puppies ever could. We have done more planning, preparing, debating and discussing for this little person that anything before it.
We have talked about where we will be in three years when this enlistment for Shark Fin is up, because right about that time, Baby R will be getting ready to head into preschool. Do we want to stay in the sunshine and sand of Virginia? Or, do we want to move back to the Midwest, where our families are based? How important is it to us that Baby R, and the other children to come, have their family around them? Or, are we comfortable enough in Virginia, to make our own "family" of friends here and really put down roots (ie. move out of Alcatraz into something with a bunch of bedrooms & bathrooms, a yard and a garage)?
(And really, we will probably have another baby in three years, so we will have even more to consider.)

But, going back to the quote...... Life is WAY! IMPORTANT! and really people, our every step is not up to us. It is dictated by the decisions we make and are in the process of making, the people and environment we surround ourselves with, the food we eat (and the indigestion it gives us!), the amount of sleep we get, and primarily, our every step is in God's hands. And I really believe it can change at any moment. God could tell me tonight that he wants us to move to Seattle, and as much as I would hate moving again, I'd do it because that would be where I am supposed to be. God could put it in Shark Fin's lap to go on deployment again, to do an IA in Iraq, to get promoted, to leave tomorrow for a really dangerous training across the country.... and we would do it, because that is where we are lead.
If we are too serious and mull over too many minute details about every little thing we do, we will get bogged down and frustrated with our lives, when our lives are meant to be ENJOYED, to be EXPERIENCED, to be LIVED. That's right. LIVED.
This baby is going to have a great, incredible, awesome life no matter what color my nursery walls are or what kind of crib set it has or if I decide to breast- or bottle-feed. Why? Because it will be LOVED and it will get a chance to really LIVE.

Everything else? Well, we'll decide that when the time comes.

Family Moment Monday

Here I am participating in Family Moment Monday, courtesy of Motherhood for Dummies.



My current favorite family moment is what I like to call "Baby Building."

See, I have Shark Fin working his TAIL OFF with little projects to get ready for the impending arrival of Baby R. I am pretty much rendered useless at present, either by the ridiculous Virginia Heat or various other pregnancy no-nos, but believe you me, list-making and project-planning is fa skill I have in tenfold!

Since I cannot actively assist in many of my projects, my position in the construction is that of cheerleader, cold-drink provider and mistake-pointer-outer (hehe!).

This weekend, we accomplished these things:

1. We framed in the window seat/storage space in the kitchen. Yay! I have been planning this project for almost two years, but once I drew up the plans (on graph paper! in proportion!), Shark Fin was all over it.


2. We set up the crib (Shark Fin's), scraped all the old stickers and what-not off the dresser (mine), and re-arranged the furniture upstairs to the baby room set-up. Now, all we have to do is paint the furniture white and get a couple more pieces of it, and that part of the planning will be done!
   

I love that Shark Fin and I are able to come together on something like this, since it gives us both a real sense of purpose and direction and focus for this baby. By working towards these common projects and goals, and seeing them take shape together, we feel more and more like we are really ready to welcome this baby into the world... in just 120-ish short days!

What are your Family Moments?

The "Momfia" - Some Thoughts from a Soon-To-Be

It's no surprise to anyone reading this blog, that I am due to have a baby in November. Many things about the incoming arrival make me cringe, hyperventilate, or some combination there-of. However, my upcoming induction into the "Momfia" makes me want to hurl daily.
Pretty much everything about being a "Mom" is terrifying to me, but the whole "mom vs. mom" thing...

Breastfeeding MOm vs Formula Mom

Stay At Home Mom vs. Working Mom

Cry It Out Mom vs. Rock & Soothe Mom

ETC.

.... is flipping ridiculous. Seriously!

Article I read on MSN today puts it in perspective a bit...... why are Mom's (you know, all of us taking part in raising children that we somehow have responsibility for) so mean to eachother when we differ in opinion, decision, or preference? As long as it does not cause harm or endanger the child...... anyways, I just hate it and it terrifies me.

OMG! HELLO KITTY BABY THINGS!!!! &*%#$%&&@

(Yes, I lead a pathetic existence. But, this is what I do....)

I WANT THIS!!!!!

The end. :)

No Water Means No Washing

Or "You don't desire me right now."

This post could really be called either. Let me start with the first one.....

This morning, the water in Alcatraz was shut off. Not just in our little homey home home, but for the all 6 units in our building. Guess who forgot they were going to do this?
Me.
Guess who had to rinse her shampoo-filled hair out with Aquafina from the refridgerator?
Me.
And go to work without (ew!) brushing her teeth or washing her face or any of those necessary human upkeep activities, etc. etc.
So gross. So, needless to say (but I'm going to anyways) I came to work looking like a bus hit me today, and none too happy. I haven't been sleeping all that great either, with the baby doing little dances every time I try to lay down and my mind racing with all the things I still have to do to get ready for it. Don't get me wrong, I love making a good to-do list and planning out my activites or projects for weeks at a time (Shark Fin can attest to this - his "honey-do" list grows daily!), but this is getting a bit crazy. I can't be writing things down at all hours of the night - I'm going to have to attach a pen & notebook to myself! I think the other part about all this baby-mess that's really hard for me is I just don't have the time or the funds to do every little decorating thing I want to do... yet. Patience is truly a virtue I am still working on.
I went home for lunch at 1:15, though... and the water was back! Yay! Guess who called in an extra half-hour and BATHED?
Me. :)

Which brings me to Part Deux of this post: the " You don't desire me anymore" part.
This preganancy has been hard in a lot of ways: the sleepiness, the nausea, the lowered sex drive, the want for all the best things, the doctor's appointments, the "breast/bottle" debate, the general crankiness. And a lot of it isnt' founded on anything at all, besides just me, being pregnant for the first time, scared out of my mind about bringing a human into the world that I will be responsible for feeding/bathing/clothing/educating/making sure doesn't DIE.
But, it's been especially hard on Shark Fin.
He gets all of the bad parts without the good parts I am getting to experience - feeling Baby R move and dance and bonding with the person inside, feeling semi-secure in knowing I am providing all it needs to survive right now. And it's really hard on him..... I think my decreased sex drive is especially hard, since it was pretty regular and consistent before, not too mention that we waited our whole lives to share it with just eachother and now it's like, "Thanks for the sperm! Here's 9 months of forced celibacy for you." Ouch. However, this is one thing I just don't know how to fix. I just don't want to do it right now, either because I'm tired or overwhelmed or just not interested in taking all my clothes off to expose how big my midsection is getting (yes, yes, "there's a baby inside you so it's okay." I know. just bear with me here. it's a yay/nay struggle with me.). I'm trying to express my love in other ways: making his favorite desserts and dinners, packing his lunch with little notes, awesome Father's Day presents!, etc. But last night, I really got hit hard with the reality of how bad it's gotten for the love of my life when he said to me, "You just don't look at me like you desire me anymore."

Ouch. That would be my heart breaking.

What do I do, though? I don't ever want our intimate moments to be me just going through the motions, but he needs that sort of closeness so much and it's something that I am just not in the midset to give enough right now. I really don't want him to spend the next 4 months depressed and withdrawn, especially since I have heard it is not much better for a few months post-birth either. How do I get to that intimate point right now? I feel so big so often and I know baby inside baby make body grow baby needs extra weight gain blha blah blah..... but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like I have no control over my body oftentimes, something I just don't like.
Ugh. Need to fix this.... just no idea how.

Ah, Blogger. How I've missed thee.

I'm back. *evil laugh*
My apologies for the absence; things in our world have been quite hectic and tumultuous over thepast few months, hence my neglect of this blog. Again, bad choice, but hey, it happens. Life takes over.... things, important things, suffer.
Though for now, life is semi-back on track and here I am, writing away.
Everything with the incoming Baby R is on track and I have finally recovered from the first trimester nasties. Thank God! It was getting ridiculous, and really, who can survive on McDonald's and yogurt?! No one! I hit 21 weeks today and have gained 12 glorious pounds since making it out of week 12. My knees and hips are feeling those pounds, as I have never gained so much weight in my life. I know, I know, make all the snarky "skinny twig girl" comments you want, but it's true and the pain & general joint strain is true, too. Yucky. Other than that, things are back to normal for our little family at Alcatraz.
We took an incredibly wonderful trip back up to Michigan June 26 - July 3. I was in a dear friend's wedding (hence the new picture) and had a great time! I got to spend three days leading up to the big day with the lovely bride and some friends, getting pedicures, setting up for the reception and just catching up. Made me feel old to watch her get married (even though I've been hitched to Shark Fin for almost two years!). It was really a great time though and I wish both Casey & Jon much happiness! :) Loves!
Shark Fin & I had a combined baby shower for Baby Jethro while we were up there, and man, what a turn out! We were the recipients of a ton of great stuff.... so much we couldn't fit it all in our Jeep to come back to Virginia and his momma is bringing the rest of it down this weekend. THANKS TO EVERYONE that came for helping us get this baby set up right!
Now that we know what we're having.... did I say that? Yes, we know, we just ain't telling!...... I can work on adding some gender-appropriate accents to my sage green and chocolate brown stuff. I am so darn excited for this baby!
I am still working for the city and I will probably be here til they close our office doors on October 3. After that, I am just going to focus on having a healthy baby for a while. Shark Fin & I have been really concerned about our financial status once I go out on maternity leave and whether I would need to find a job after the baby is born to help keep us afloat. (One thing I do have to say I hate, loathe, despise about Virginia is the ridiculous cost of living.) Turns out, though, after some finagling with our monthly budget, it looks like I will be able to stay home with the little person for a while. We will still get a small monthly "allowance" (what Shark Fin & I call the money we don't have to be accountable to anyone for) to allow us some freedom and Shark Fin will be able to rest easy knowing his little person is not trapped in a disease infested daycare center (which is a discussion for another post entirely. I went to daycare!) At any rate, that is a huge blessing and we are extremely thankful for it.
I am , however, already thinking up some schemes for making a little money on the side. We inherited an incredible Singer sewing machine from my grandmother by way of my mom, and once I get it cleaned & oiled, it will become my new best pal. I have plans for aprons, dish towels, burp cloths, blankets, crib sets, binky leashes... pretty much any textile item I can think of. Watch for me on Etsy. I'm gonna be a star! Haha.

I think that's it for now. :) LOVE!