Boops

This article makes me smile.

Why? Because, even though I haven't made a decision yet about MY baby, it's nice to know other, non-breast moms feel the same way I do about boobie-mom attitudes.

Today is a good day.

The weather is finally Fall-ish, worthy of calling it Fall at least. My favourite season.
I have reconciled myself to what is to come with the toxicity I posted about previously. I am trying to be "less of me, more of God" and so far, it has brought me some of the peace I was hoping for. That is wonderful.
My hair is long and beautiful. The cooler weather is allowing me to fully appreciate it, without getting angry at how hot it makes me head. It is a lovely shade of honey brown. It flips in cute places and stays flat in others. It is soft and light and bouncy.
A blessing, a bright light, has popped up in terms of my job with the City. After so many prayers for peace of mind where our family finances and the impending arrival of this baby are concerned, I believe this is the answer we have been seeking. God has planted this seed in front of me/us, and now I/we have to make it grow. I am so thankful for it, so hopeful for it's possibilities, and praying now for wisdom, guidance, and favor as we progress. God is GOOD!
The baby in my tummy is happy and healthy. She is moving and bouncing and kicking all the time. She gets the hiccups a few times a week and loves to hear her daddy talk or sing or anything really. She likes to stick her feet out and let me rub them. She kicks the puppies when they rest their faces on my belly. We have our first baby class ("Baby Boot Camp") this Saturday and I am kind of nervous. I know it sounds silly, but the classes starting means we are really, really close to meeting our little girl and moving into the next phase of our lives: parenting.

Today is a good, no, a REALLY good day.

Hair

I straightened my hair today.

It's effing long.


Wow.

GOSSIP GIRL is for BOYS TOO!

And this article from Newsweek totally proves it!


I WIN

Family Moment Monday

(Since I am a slacker of epic proporations, this is only my second participation in FMM but I'm working on being more consistent, I swear!)

Today we are going to talk about something that involves my whole little family, from Shark Fin to Xeusy to Lunabell, and even my mom when she was here visiting this past week.

It's STROLLER PRACTICE.

Yes folks, Shark Fin and I decided that the best way to prep our fur-covered babies for the arrival of Baby R is to set up as much as possible, as early as possible, and to interject things about her into our regular routine. And so began Stroller Practice.

We received a stroller/travel system thing from one of Jeff's co-workers at the squadron. Judging by the color scheme (it's silvery-grey and black) I think it is the SQUADRON'S stroller, but whatever, it was free and until we require the double stroller, we have free use of it. ANYWAYS, every evening that the two of us are home together, we try to take the dynamic doggy duo out for a long walk prior to dinner time. It's a good time for all of us to bond in the great outdoors, plus we have an open field over by us that they can go off-leash in and chase eachother at warp speed. Unless I feel like complete crap, it's been pretty consistent, too.
Recently, we decided to intergrate pushing the baby stroller into the evening stroll. The first couple times, we left the stroller empty. They adjusted to it rolling along beside them pretty well, (well, after getting nudged by a wayward wheel or two).
But this weekend, we added another element to the walk.
We have been training them on us carrying the "baby" around using this stuffed monkey doll for a few months now. This weekend, I dressed the monkey in one of Baby R's outfits and a hat and put the monkey in the stroller, too.

It was EXCITING.

Now, after three or so walks with the monkey, the excitement has kind of died down, but the residual idea of getting them adjusted to a highly desireable being in the stroller still holds firm. Even over in the field, the puppies will run and run and run...... htne come over to me and the stroller, give the monkey a kiss and then take off again.

And really, that's the way it should be. :)

Thoughts on the arrival of my favourite season

As the arrival of this little person approaches, I have been thinking more and more about where our life is at right now.
What kind of situations we are bringing her into the middle of, and what changes, if any, need to be made prior to her arrival.
And, let me tell you, that shit is HARD sometimes. I've never been so able to step back and reflect on my life, my choices, my experiences that got me to where I am right now so clearly or with such vigor.
I want her to be able to come into an environment and her little mini-world of PEACE more than anything else. And for that to happen, there are some things I have been battling that need to be confronted and remedied.

I'm quite frankly, a complete pussy when it comes to confrontations with people that know me, people that have spent time with me, past or present.... it makes every blow that is delivered open further, sink deeper, scar thicker... way worse for everyone at the time of impact than if it's an aquaintance, y'know? I am committed, for her sake, to making the effort to move towards the peaceful place that I know is just on the other side of this tangled, thorn-filled forest, though.
Since graduating from high school way back when, so many changes have already taken place. People have moved in and out of my life, some are deeply missed, some not so much.
Some people moved out only to recently try to make their way back in again.
I struggle with how to address those relationships. On one hand, we were obviously friends at that past point in time because we had something in common, a bonding element, to sustain our relationship. It may have been a common group of friends or a class or a belief.... whatever it was, it did exist then. But, as we moved forward into life, that common element was lost or separated or done away with (at least I feel like it was) and new, different people filled that place the relationship with the previous person had vacated... or the need for that type of person in my life went away. Whatever the reason or the outcome, the relationship went dormant. Distance between the two parties entered and was established. Life moved forward, apart.

And then, life happens. The "expected chain of events" starts churning forward and we are thrust back into common spaces. Contact is re-established......

What do you do when the effort necessary to sustain a friendship is undesirable to you? When, you reflect on the relationship at hand and are more happy, more fulfilled, more content to reflect on times past than on any possibility of times to come? What if you want the memories, but no new ones? What if you were content to say goodbye back then and move forward, only to be pulled back in by thoughts of obligation, common history, and shared relationships with people that still hold the same place in your hearts that they always have?........ places that this other person no longer resides in.

This is what I am struggling with.
I have never been a confrontational person. I am more than happy to avoid the dynamics of a difficult situation with a person until it either disappears or works itself out on it's own. It's even worse of a feeling when I know this struggle is a solitary one. I, by no means, want to cause anyone any pain but sustaining this relationship causes me distress, more than any good emotion and I can't do that either.... not with this little person coming into the world. How could I ever teach her about the importance of honesty, self-worth, and confidence when in this situation I currently have none? How do you end a friendship, on good terms, when one person is pushing so hard to make it work and you are ignoring it's even happening.