Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. - Oscar Wilde

Let's discuss this quote, shall we.

As I sit here at my desk on a Tuesday morning, I am overwhelmed with the frailty of my life and the life that I am carrying. Not because anything bad has happened recently, moreso because I have realized over the last few weeks that I am not the same person, physically, mentally or emotionally that I was before I became pregnant and, more importantly, that I will probably never go back to the way I was. This pregnancy, and the process of being pregnant, has forever altered the way I "do" life, the way Shark Fin "does" life, and probably, the way our families "do" life. Really, aside from when we adopted the puppies, neither one of us have ever had someone depend so solely on us for every little thing they need. This baby will be doing just that, more than the puppies ever could. We have done more planning, preparing, debating and discussing for this little person that anything before it.
We have talked about where we will be in three years when this enlistment for Shark Fin is up, because right about that time, Baby R will be getting ready to head into preschool. Do we want to stay in the sunshine and sand of Virginia? Or, do we want to move back to the Midwest, where our families are based? How important is it to us that Baby R, and the other children to come, have their family around them? Or, are we comfortable enough in Virginia, to make our own "family" of friends here and really put down roots (ie. move out of Alcatraz into something with a bunch of bedrooms & bathrooms, a yard and a garage)?
(And really, we will probably have another baby in three years, so we will have even more to consider.)

But, going back to the quote...... Life is WAY! IMPORTANT! and really people, our every step is not up to us. It is dictated by the decisions we make and are in the process of making, the people and environment we surround ourselves with, the food we eat (and the indigestion it gives us!), the amount of sleep we get, and primarily, our every step is in God's hands. And I really believe it can change at any moment. God could tell me tonight that he wants us to move to Seattle, and as much as I would hate moving again, I'd do it because that would be where I am supposed to be. God could put it in Shark Fin's lap to go on deployment again, to do an IA in Iraq, to get promoted, to leave tomorrow for a really dangerous training across the country.... and we would do it, because that is where we are lead.
If we are too serious and mull over too many minute details about every little thing we do, we will get bogged down and frustrated with our lives, when our lives are meant to be ENJOYED, to be EXPERIENCED, to be LIVED. That's right. LIVED.
This baby is going to have a great, incredible, awesome life no matter what color my nursery walls are or what kind of crib set it has or if I decide to breast- or bottle-feed. Why? Because it will be LOVED and it will get a chance to really LIVE.

Everything else? Well, we'll decide that when the time comes.